"When a narcissist says they love you, what they really mean is that they love the way you make them feel. They love the validation, the admiration, and the worship. They love the control they have over you, the power to make you do their bidding. But they don't love you, the person. They don't care about your feelings, your needs, or your well-being."
That is precisely what I had to face in dealing with my mother. She was the supreme narcissist. She told me to my face when I was 21 that she depended on me for "support, for warmth, for cheerfulness...for a REASON TO LIVE!"
She used suicide threats as a means of emotionally dominating me, my brother, and my father. She used sarcasm endlessly...it was not enough that she chewed us out for various misdeeds, she had to end it by plunging in the knife of sarcasm and fury.
My social worker sister-in-law, hearing about this for the first time, gasped, "That must have been exhausting for her!"
My brother answered, "No. She enjoyed it."
I had never heard that insight before, but as I reviewed the memories and had my flashbacks, I agreed.
She did that to everyone she met...ended the flogging with the sharp knife of personal insult and sarcasm.
"When a narcissist says they love you, what they really mean is that they love the way you make them feel. They love the validation, the admiration, and the worship. They love the control they have over you, the power to make you do their bidding. But they don't love you, the person. They don't care about your feelings, your needs, or your well-being."
That is precisely what I had to face in dealing with my mother. She was the supreme narcissist. She told me to my face when I was 21 that she depended on me for "support, for warmth, for cheerfulness...for a REASON TO LIVE!"
She used suicide threats as a means of emotionally dominating me, my brother, and my father. She used sarcasm endlessly...it was not enough that she chewed us out for various misdeeds, she had to end it by plunging in the knife of sarcasm and fury.
My social worker sister-in-law, hearing about this for the first time, gasped, "That must have been exhausting for her!"
My brother answered, "No. She enjoyed it."
I had never heard that insight before, but as I reviewed the memories and had my flashbacks, I agreed.
She did that to everyone she met...ended the flogging with the sharp knife of personal insult and sarcasm.
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