10 Sneaky Ways Narcissists Hide Affairs

May 22, 2025

Sneaky Ways Narcissists Try To Diminish You & How To Stand Your Ground

Today I’m diving into a juicy topic: the sneaky ways narcissists hide their affairs. I’ve put together a massive list of tactics they use to keep their cheating under wraps, and trust me, it’s eye-opening. If you’ve ever had that gut feeling something’s off—but couldn’t put your finger on it, this one’s for you.

Let’s get right into it.

1. They Accuse You First

Classic projection. Narcissists often accuse you of cheating or being "too friendly" with others as a way to shift the spotlight off their own behavior. This reverse psychology tactic leaves you feeling guilty, confused, and distracted from what they’re really up to.

2. They Use “Work” as a Perfect Cover

Extra meetings, sudden business trips, late-night deadlines—work becomes their golden excuse. Since society respects hustle and productivity, this explanation is rarely questioned, making it the ideal cover for their double life.

3. They Create Confusion Through Gaslighting

If you confront them with something suspicious, they’ll twist reality. "You're imagining things," or "That never happened." Over time, you start doubting your memory, your instincts, and your truth. This psychological manipulation keeps their secrets safe in the fog of your uncertainty.

4. They Keep Two Phones or Secret Apps

From burner phones to hidden messaging apps like Telegram or Signal (with disappearing messages), narcissists are tech-savvy when it comes to hiding affairs. Some even use encrypted folders disguised as calculator apps to store texts and photos.

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5. They Pretend to Be Extra Loving

When guilt sets in—or when they sense you're suspicious—they may shower you with affection, gifts, or sweet words to throw you off. It’s not out of love. It’s damage control. It’s strategic.

6. They Use Friends to Cover for Them

Narcissists often rope in mutual friends to lie or cover for them, sometimes without the friend even knowing the full story. “I was at Jake’s house,” they say. Meanwhile, Jake just thought they were passing by.

7. They Keep You in a Constant State of Anxiety

If you're always walking on eggshells, worrying about their moods, or trying to "fix" the relationship, you're less likely to investigate their behavior. The chaos they create is intentional, it keeps you too emotionally drained to connect the dots.

8. They Accumulate Fake Social Media Accounts

From “fitness coaching” pages to anonymous DMs, narcissists often maintain multiple social media profiles to flirt, communicate, and arrange meetups—completely outside your view.

9. They Minimize the Signs You Do Notice

Lipstick on the collar? “Oh, that was my sister’s hug.” Long hair in the car? “Must’ve been from work.” They’re masters at explaining things away in a way that makes you feel silly for even asking.

10. They Pick Fights Right Before They Disappear

Ever notice how they get mysteriously angry right before a night out or a trip? It’s a tactic to create distance and justify going silent. If you confront them later, they'll say, “Well, we weren’t even talking.”

Narcissists don’t just cheat. They manipulate, distract, and emotionally devastate their partners in the process. Affairs are just a symptom of a deeper issue: a lack of empathy and a need for constant validation.

If you recognize these signs, please know, this is not your fault. You’re not crazy. You’re not imagining it. Narcissists are skilled at deception, but the truth always finds its way to the surface.

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